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Well, Rotties, it’s that time of year again–time to hang a severed pig head over a pit full of sticks, put on some hockey pads, and stay up all night waiting for an army of nude, bearded, elvish Santas to attack you through your bedroom window. That’s right, this week The Rotten Horror Picture Show is spending our holiday in the remote mountains of Finland, with Rare Exports!
From Wikipedia:
Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale is a 2010 Finnish fantasy action horror comedy film written and directed by Jalmari Helander about people living near Korvatunturi who discover the secret behind Santa Claus. The film is based on the 2003 short film Rare Exports Inc. and its 2005 sequel Rare Exports: The Official Safety Instructions by Jalmari Helander and Juuso Helander, both of which involve a company that traps wild Santa Clauses and trains and exports them to locations around the world. In Rare Exports, A young boy named Pietari (Onni Tommila) and his friend Juuso (Ilmari Järvenpää) think a secret mountain drilling project near their home in northern Finland has uncovered the tomb of Santa Claus. However, this a monstrous, evil Santa, much unlike the cheery St. Nick of legend. When Pietari’s father (Jorma Tommila) captures a feral old man (Peeter Jakobi) in his wolf trap, the man may hold the key to why reindeer are being slaughtered and children are disappearing.
Join Clay and Amanda as they dig out the mountain lair of butt armor, the most disgusting roast we’ve ever seen, kids with guns, but otherwise pretty OK parenting, awful but also possibly amazing hair, Trash from Return of the Living Dead’s literal nightmare, and in a special edition of “things you WON’T find,” we have women. You will find zero women in this movie.
It’s beginning to look a lot like a weird, Santa trafficking ring out there, so bundle up, hang your severed hog’s head high, contemplate bodily dismemberment , and stick some dynamite inside the frozen remains of Santa Claus with us…if you dare!